A particularly rough night has inspired this post. A night where, I thought, "well, the kids are asleep, hubby is out, I'm going to watch a movie!" Ugh. Big mistake. The movie ended around 11, I still had some laundry to finish up, soup to put away, baby food to puree and a dishwasher to finish filling. By the time I got to bed, I was wired. Finally fall asleep, hubby comes home and disturbs my sleep. Toby wakes up, 1/2 hour to put him back to sleep. Another hour trying to fall asleep, and then..... sleeping bliss. An hour later Willow wakes up, calling out for me. I make hubby go. And 1.5 hours after that, Toby is up again. And this time there is no putting him back to sleep. After 2 hours of trying I give up- we're up for the day.
Moral of the day- Mom, don't ever take time for yourself. It will backfire. Even if this time was productive, even if you made soup and baby food and did some sewing while the movie was on and didn't even get to enjoy it. You're still expecting too much. It's not worth it. Get over it, and face the reality that you won't have any time to yourself for 15-17 years (and then this "time for yourself" will mostly be spend worrying and wondering if your kids are staying out of trouble). From today on, vow to be in bed before 9, because the kids will not let you have a good night sleep. They also won't let you sit down, have a rest or a nap during the day. So get over it, you are 'mom' and that is all. It really is a 24/7 kind of job.
They say as a mom you have to take time for yourself to stay sane. Enough said.
Oh, and the movie? A crappy rom-com in which a couple dies in a car crash, leaving their 2 best friends to raise their baby. There may have been some funny parts, but I missed them because I was too sad thinking about the poor baby missing her mommy, and the poor dead parents who will never see their child grow up. And now that I've re-read that last bit, I feel incredible guilt that even though I have no time for myself, even to sleep, I still have my beautiful children that I get to watch grow every day (even if I'm half asleep).
My life as a mom- sleepless, thankless, guilt ridden and full of love.
.
Nonstop guilt! And I wonder what night that was that you tried to have "me time". I tried on Friday night and it was the worst night I've had in months and months. I think I got 2 broken hours?
ReplyDelete